Are you a Gove or a McClaren?

Steve McClaren, the former England manager, was much mocked in the British Press (hardly a unique event) for an appearance in a recent YouTube video speaking staccato style English in a semi-Dutch tone.(At the time he was manager of a Dutch football team).

Trust the English to mock someone living and working abroad. We have a pretty shocking record when it comes to language learning in the UK, made even worse by the decision a few years ago to drop the obligation to learn a language at GCSE grade (14 – 16) Whoever signed off on that one should hang their heads in shame.

I don’t know a significant amount about the new reforms of education policy in the UK but the much criticised Baccalaureate-style 'group' of key GCSEs currently being proposed at least require one foreign language qualification.

Click here to listen to the Education Secretary of State, Michael Gove, being destroyed by a member of the public on Radio 5 over the proposals. I don’t know what Gove had for breakfast but it whatever it was it was thoroughly condescended before he ate it. I’ve always liked Gove but he doesn’t come across well and the interview was a total disaster. 

Gove's failure is empathise, to try and match the language of the caller. Stuck in the condescending style he begins with, he's unable to win the audience over. It's important to 'match' your audience, in both body language when in person or in tone and style when not. People say presentation matters less than content but Gove's response here is surely an argument that they are equally important.

Anyway, returning to the subject, anyone who has taught English or spent a lot of time with foreigners will know that speaking...very...slowly...and...unnaturally...is...a....pre-requisite...for being....understood...and....whilst....frustrating....for the....speaker....is....essential....for....the student.   

I do try and speak Polish a lot of the time out in public, but almost immediately have to say, “prosze pani/pan mowi wolno.” And then repeat it, as it’s just not natural to speak at that pace and people very often speed up after one or two sentences.

So it’s with pleasure that I can see many of the students I have been teaching since last year begin to understand me when I speak at rapid-fire pace, albeit dropping a lot of slang and idiom along the way. It gives me hope I might be able to do the same one day in Polish.

The other element Steve McClaren gets right in this interview is the faux-Dutch accent. Personally, when speaking in Polish I really do try to imagine myself as a Pole who’s had the misfortune to forget his mother tongue somehow.

I find this is helpful because it lifts me out of English pronunciation and into Polish sounds and styles, although it doesn’t always go right. Indeed, The Mrs suggests I sound like a panicked shopper trying to get a big-ticket and slightly soiled item returned in a busy supermarket. 

McClaren effortlessly transformsh into the shlow dry and shage Dutsch shtyle whicsh showsh he’sh well on the way to learning Dutsch, although thish shkill will shtill be usheful now he’sh in Germany. He doesn't deserved to be mocked for trying to make things easier for his audience.

Learning French, it’s important not just to shrug your shoulders as often as possible but also to twiddle your moustache, chew garlic, wear stripy shirts and carry books of poetry. Doing so will carry you effortlessly from intermediate to advanced in days.

Unfortunately there aren't quite as many clichés to use when visualising  Poles as we have for the Dutch or the French, but I would be interested in knowing if anyone tries the same technique when speaking in a foreign language. Are you a Gove or a McClaren?