Self Indulgent Blogpost Alert by an All Day Mosquito Buffet

Blogging’s got a little difficult recently, as I have re-joined the British Embassy Commercial Team as a part-time Trade Investment Advisor, continuing on from the short term position I held there earlier on from the year.  I’ve had a variety of civil service roles in the past, including in high pressure and high profile areas, but helping British businesses succeed in foreign markets – seeing their struggles and successes at close hand – really is a rewarding task. In turn, helping Polish companies looking to invest or sell products in the UK, you really get the sense of just how dynamic and hard working the Poles can be. I continue to be amazed by the working ethic of my colleagues at the Embassy. The atmosphere is one of hard work and concentration.

I know that my life would be very different if I had a salaried, stable and pensioned role in Poland. Despite Poland’s rapid and continual economic  growth, this is not an easy task to get if you’re not a specialist/experienced in banking, legal, engineering, accountancy, marketing, sales or IT.  

I have to remind myself that for all my lack of progress in this area, I still have one toe in the water, not two toes out.  It’s too easy to criticise yourself for not making progress rather reflect on what you’re lucky to have and to have accomplished.

Betsy, a snip at 350zl and quite possibly stolen, bless her

In addition to this role I continue to teach at my English Language school and I try to do a daily cycle ride on my beloved new friend, Betsy, as well as an hour’s physiotherapy a day. Oh and I usually cook a meal from scratch every day as well. Oh and I’m looking for a flat now me and the Jailor have gone our separate ways. Oh and also I’m an MC for two different music groups, one in Warsaw and one in Wroclaw, on a regular basis, and I probably drink a wee nip or two more than I should from time to time. In my spare time I fret about not having a pension and attempt to sleep despite being a living, breathing, involuntary blood donation bank and mosquito-magnet.

Putting this list together I’m inclined to start pitying/blaming myself for having no time to achieve all these things and of course there is always room for improving my efficiency. I do build in a bit of mental down-time, because no-one can work 24-7, but still find myself achieving around only 70% of my to-do list. And the remaining 30% always seems to be in the important/urgent category.

Is it because the mosquitos have achieved the incredible and drained me of all brain matter, or am I being too hard on myself?

So as I ponder why I’m not quite achieving everything I want to do in Poland, I need to remind myself of my successes. 

One is in language progress. Despite everything, I continue to learn more and more. I spent 3 days in Walbrzych two weeks ago and spoke nothing but Polish, it was draining and exhausting but it definitely helped. Similarly this Saturday I recorded a music video with my Dubstep band here in Warsaw. It was 8 hours of swearing,  idiom and joking around and frankly I didn’t understand all that much. But when the work was done I was able to relax and join in the conversation a bit more. (Beer seems to be the magic ingredient the language schools won’t tell you about). 

When it comes to language learning, I now truly understand that Every Little Bit Helps. Every line you read, everything you hear or see, everything you experience is a slice off the giant linguistic butter mountain you'll need to munch through to achieve a reasonable level of fluency. 

Until I reach the end of that linguistic butter mountain I feel, a lot of the time, like “A Stupid” (in a pithy mispronounciation of The Jailor). Yet it’s all too easy to try and avoid these kind of situations because, not being able to follow peoples’ conversations, you stop feeling confident, intelligent and interesting  and start feeling confused, slow and uninteresting. I can see it in people’s eyes: talking to me in Polish is rather a bore for them. I understand, but I have to fight to overcome the urge to avoid this situation and instead provoke it more and more.

At work it also carries the real risk of not understanding key information. But 8 hours of intense concentrating on rapid fire office discussion is tiring and it’s all too easy to switch off.  I’m grateful my colleagues are patient and understanding and happy in return to help them in their English.

I have to be discomfort-seeking, not comfort seeking.

And that’s the key: I’ve put myself out of my comfort zone both professionally and personally. Maybe the risk will pay off, maybe it won’t, but I feel alive for it all the same. If I had remained in London I would no doubt have solved some of the problems I’m worrying about (and I wouldn’t be an all day midge and mosquito buffet, either) but I wouldn’t have solved that central issue: needing to take risks and seek new things whilst I still had the opportunity.

I would be gazing out the window wondering what might have been, not in the the thick of it  in a "strange and far off land of which we know nothing"  with my fist closed around the Paddy regimental standard as the Pickelhaubed sentinels of imminent personal financial doom advance on all fronts.

So this is a blog-post to congratulate myself on still being here, still being alive and relatively healthy, still trying and still achieving, if only 70% of the time.